Lüfthildis and husband; preparation.

In Hırpıt, Yazarlar Klubü by Cumhur DursunLeave a Comment

lufhildis-and-husband-prepSo let us call it restoration-works. Did you know that hair is one of these issues, like boobs or hips? No woman has nothing to complain about it! The most common sentences in this connection are: “Oh my God– (women need to pause there) did you see my hair-do? I look awful!” then they turn towards you, look at you and wait for you to say: “no love, you don’t” and welcome to trap number 2. She will ask you whether you even looked at her and how come you think that you don’t look terrifying. Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!!! No answer will make you survive it. If you tell her she doesn’t look horrible she will ask you whether she always looks like that to you and if you tell her she definitely looks horrible that day- oho- you witness the murder of your day. Guess what; husband smiled and said: “They will love you, don’t worry and if you don’t feel comfortable just tell me and we will leave.”A man from a southern country, that was not disowned, not adopted AND loves his parents from the bottom of his heart, tells his wife, that if she feels uncomfortable in his parents house, they can go! Oh men in this world if you don’t feel that let the woman go and find the man that does- you are not made for each other.

Lüfthildis after the war with her hair that she definitely lost started the tights or over-knees what is more adequate issue- one of these really important issues that each parent in law really cares about. Do women think that there is a control point at each and every parents-in-laws house? What exactly do they check there? Is it something like: “Excuse me are you the future wife of Mr. So-and-so? So please pull up your skirt, we have to check your underwear and whether you are wearing tights or socks or whatever?” There we go again, female logic. After putting on her lingerie, a skirt, a blouse and a jumper and of course the “pimp-my-outfit-shoes”, which are by the way never bought in the appropriate size as they either don’t exist or they are sold out, they started hitting the road. There I almost jumped over a very important item. Women don’t have fitting “pimp-up-my-outfit-shoes”, we don’t and we don’t care. We squeeze our 42 European size feet into 34 sized shoes if we like them or we believe they match. Yes we are a pain in the neck for the entire evening but we are a pain in the man’s neck, so we don’t feel it. We just do it for them because we want to look good. Men do not give a sh.t, we could walk around in gumboots!!! Women don’t understand that! That is something we can’t imagine! How can you pimp-up a boring outfit with gumboots?!? Did you ever see a celebrity in any of the magazines next to the bathtub or on our bedside tables that wears gumboots and looks good in them? So they left. Lüfthildis with her bird’s nest and her make-up meanwhile moved down to her décolleté. Husband always well dressed, took his future wife, still wearing boots in order to be able to change her shoes to the uncomfortable ones later, to the car and hit the road towards his parents house. Lüfthildis stressing around because she didn’t finish one of the souvenirs she wanted to give to the parents-in-law started talking about going to a shop and buying flowers at least, right when she got on the car. Husband tried to persuade her that there is no need to buy flowers but Lüfthildis got more and more obsessed with the idea. Husband HAD to take her to a flower-shop where she of course had to discuss each and every flowerpot. After deciding which one to take she naturally had to change her mind three to four times. We don’t change our mind like men do. There is nothing like: “sorry I changed my mind could you rap this one please” in our vernacular. We have to explain the person in the shop why we think that we might have decided wrong but we are not really sure about that. Then we HAVE to check all of them again in order to finally take the one that we decided to take in the first place. Men out there don’t tell us that we already decided for that one in the beginning unless you want a fist fight. WE KNOW BUT WE NEED TO RECONFIRM THAT WE HAVE A GRAND TASTE! The guy behind the counter rapped the flowers and husband took them fast in order not to have Lüfthildis crop-up with a new idea.

They left the shop right next to parents-in-laws house and there they saw husband’s mother and father standing on the balcony waiting for them. Lüfthildis felt her over knees moving slowly down, approaching the hem of her skirt. Her cheeks started glooming and her heart was beating like nuts, her hands were sweaty and she therefore didn’t know how long it would take until the plastic bags would just slip out of her hands. They entered the hall of the house and there Lüfthildis saw this staircase.

to be continued…

Tomorrow: “Unbelievable feast” in Lüfthildis and husband; walking up to the flat can be some kind of an issue.

Hırpıt

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